Greetings, Earthlings! I am your Elder Brother, the Lord Liquid Gasbang, Pax of Petro, Hot One of the InterGalactic Blacktop. We challenge you to gear up for this Exalted Transmission we are shifting towards. The Big Wheel encourages us all to call upon the Power and Wisdom of the Psychic Synchronizers in order that all parts of our Mega Machines may mesh in our CoAxial Frame Time. Because we stop at the Universal Joint but seldom, we would really like to tie up alongside and hoist a party flag, but our slip is differential.
We consider ourselves only as your older brothers and sisters and expect no more respect and honor than you would pay to any member of your family. We have a few messages for you and we hope you will consider our message and not us as important.
You are not be able to see us out here in space for our normal condition is one rarified as to your existence. Our craft is similar in shape to your own, only invisible, and inhabitable within and without. We travel at any speed we want, including the speed of light, because for the most part that is what our ship is. If you could see us we would resemble a spherical star of light streaming a luminescent tail behind like a comet. By consensus, the next ship we build will look like your '55 Chevy, which is a most cool ride. Since it is by the force of our wills combined that we commune and commute, we are free to stop and go as we wish. You of Terra have the same power, and you will discover that in time to come.
Is your fuel gauge working? We sense that you are having problems or you are using dangerous fuels that emit inconvenient rays. We picked up your trail a few million miles back, and judging by the amount of smoke, blood and lawyers you are trailing there is every possibility that only a miracle can help you now. We're not sure if it is fair to tell you or not, but we have a GodBuster on the dash that indicates the Great Patrolman just around the next curved space. We believe you are going to be stopped for littering and excess emissions, and when the Cosmic Cop searches your trunk and finds the Third World Passenger held hostage you are going to be in a heap of trouble. We will soon speed past you and move on because we don't even want to be in the same part of the galaxy with you when you are stopped.
We want to mention the possibility of some rough conditions ahead for you that may crack your continents, tip your oceans or, worst of all, cause a loss of axial traction that can flip you into a funny roll that will bend your fenders and dent your dome _ in your words, shake your booty. We smell your atmosfear and figure you'll get grit in your oil rings. Depending on the condition of your shocks, you may end up with your cartel behind the horse, and it's not the asphalt.
But not all our news is apocalyptic. It has been recorded in the record of your planet that a small star is approaching from outside your solar system. Just think! It could be a 12th Planet, or the Great Taxi that comes your way that has room on board for billions more souls than our ship carries. That means many of the inhabitants of your planet may get a chance to get off your planet and out of her atmospheric heavens to take a trip through the near universe. It is not uncommon for planets in your condition to require some cleaning or resurfacing and for all souls aboard to be taken off while the work is being done. When your world is ready for reinhabitation many of you will choose to come back. It will be a different place, believe me. Such events are rare, and hence the collection of onlookers that will gather near your planet to watch if the aforementioned event takes place.
Our concern is not only with the fate of your planet and all your inhabitants but for all who travel this roadway. Many are afraid to venture close to you and only the most daring come near. Some who do are less than honorable, even pirates, and take advantage of the power that your dirty fuels and mineral deposits give them over others. In all fairness, I may say no more about them. Most of your pollution is the fault of only a few, not the many, who live among you, and please don't think you can shoot your garbage into space. We don't use your planet for a dump.
If we could impress any one simple thing upon your understanding it would be to stop using dirty fuels and rely upon the power of the sun and the natural electromagnetic power that holds your planet in its orbit around your sun. This is the standard for all power and propulsion in our known universe. You'll be able to get scratch in all four gears!
We find great excitement that you are soon to discover that you are not alone in this universe. Be brave and hopeful and do not hesitate to call upon your Great Spirit. Don't be surprised if your god appears in Groucho glasses, since you have created Him in your own image.
Please do not be anxious about the news we bring. We have learned a great thing in our long journey that I am happy to share with you. We have learned to enjoy our trip and not be anxious about arriving. We inhabit a heaven of our own design. We do not hurry across the universe, even though we are capable of crossing it at the speed of thought. There is so much to see that we dare not hurry. If we had not slowed down behind you we would not now have come to the joyful reminder of our own humble origins on a planet like yours, and how wonderful is the Great Plan that keeps all Beings moving, learning and sharing.
Because of your limited perception across time and space we sense that you may have lost sight of where you have come from and where you are going. Don't worry about it. There is great learning in store for you all. Appreciate what you have, and learn to be present in your here and now, and remember to keep it between the ditches of the Spiritual Two-lane Blacktop.
rhenry@uark.edu 3/28/97