NOTICE: Are you illiterate? Write for free brochure. Send 1 dollar to Box B, Bucksville.
EARN BIG MONEY stuffing subways and turkeys. Start now, free details $1.00. Box B, Bucksville.
DEFECTIVE Training. Be a Public Eye. Use common equipment, no details.
GOLDMINING in your backyard. Six dollar treasure map reveals how many thousand feet down. Dig it, Halfway to China.
HOW TO sell anything to anyone, especially by mail. Send $5 to Box B, Bucksville.
PANHANDLING at home. Learn how to get thousands from your pets, kids and appliances. Gimme a dollar?
ATTN. FOOLS: thirty-one stupid things to do Wed. April 1. Send $5 to Box B, Bucksville, for a list of the other thirty.
THE SCHREE SCHWAMBEE Schumcktananda, the Grate Groovy Guruji, will fill your heart with the love of a million singing armadillos. Chorus Cricket background soothes jangled nerves of nervous forest pests. On disc or cassette, $200 includes picture of you guess who? Holy Baloney, Box B, Bucksville.
SPEED FORGETTING: what's better than speed remembering? Speed forgetting (speed minus memory) is fast being forgotten. It's easy to learn, easier to forget. Permament memory loss applies to anything not worth remembering. Forget you sent 50 Bucks to uh, uh, I forget. (Return to Knowledge.)
HOW TO ENDURE CURSES and witchcraft. Send $50.00 to Box B, Bucksville or else.
WANTED: Nothing to do with any thing for any reason. I was not there. Kilroy
HAVE NEW, USED AND unused Unused, Used and New signs will trade for Forsale signs. Will trade Forsale signs for Sail Signs For Sale or Trade or trade or sell Shale For Sale for Sails For Sale signs or Sail Signs For Sale or Trade.
GET RIGHTEOUS. BE BETTER than you neighbor. Giant adhesive stickers for car and home state your case: HE SPOKE TO ME. In dayglow colors, no limit. $2 each, Holy Baloney, Box X, Bucksville.
STOP SMOKING. Dozens have kicked the habit with the wax paper and margarine method. I did it, you can too, The Marlboro Man.
TOO STRANGE TO CLASSIFY:
NOTICE: THE WORLD must be coming to an end. While there's still time I'm
submitting more ads for valuable stuff and info like:
THIS AD FOR SALE. For info call Box B, Bucksville or write seven numbers before 12:30 or 7:15 or after 3:30 or 9:45, keep tryin'.
NOTICE: A TEAM OF scientific investigators is scheduled to arrive in Arkansas some day to initiate a Rock Finding Party. If you know of the whereabouts of any rocks, stones or large gravel in our state, stay tuned.
BARK: Weren't there about 15,000 people and cars around here the other day? WE miss all those nice tires that line the streets. The University Street Pack of Mad Dogs.
BANKRUPTCY FOR FUN AND PROFIT. Lost your fortune answering stupid want ads? for your last $5 we'll show you how to file for the last time. Quasi-Guaranteed method lets us avoid filing another day. The Late Box B, Bucksville.
FAST PAST LIFE readings and physic predictions by appointment only. I'll tell ya in a hurry where ya been baby and I'll tell ya what's gonna happen to ya if ya don't get outa this ad. I need room ta think so don't come snoopin around. Madam Butch, Box Bad, Bucksville.
DIDN'T you read this ad somewhere before once upon a time? Don't I remember looking up out of this ad and seeing your face before? Wow, We're having a wantad vu'. Write about it. Box B-4, Bucksville.
THIS IS A Complementary ad put here to tell you that you and I have never looked better, and, didn't you lose about 20 pounds since last Saturday? Nice to see you again. Compliments of Box O.K., Smilesville.
Box B, Bucksville is getting better, or, how could it get worse? For more irrational information, write or call.
FOR SALE: Invisible appliances and furniture. Ugly dinettes and cheap refrigerators won't detract from the beauty of your fine kitchen. Deliveries anytime. Call Box B, Bucksville for hidden message.
IRON ON TATTOOS Avoid embarassing needles and pain with unpatended PYROPATCH. 1000's designs, get 'em while they're hot. Box B, Burnsville.
MONEY laundered, starched and ironed at Box B, Bucksville.
MALLARD egg omelet recipes: Box D, Ducksville.
MODERN TOBACCO chewing methods: Box H, Hucksville.
200 CONDOMS in 400 colors available through Box F, _ucksville.
NO RISK Lottery. Every ticket wins. Box L, Lucksville.
MUD by the cup or truckfull. Box M, Mucksville.
FIST FIGHTING and board breaking: Box N, Nucksville.
HOCKEY Paraphenalia: Box P, Pucksville.
DUCK Language Arts: Box Q, Quacksville.
BACKPACKS and such: Box R, Rucksville.
VACUUM Cleaner parts: Box S, Sucksville.
BED TIME STORIES: Box T, Tucksville.
TRUE LIFE STORIES: Box Y, Yucksville.
NOTICE: This notice is not ice, it is NOTICE: not ice, did you notice that? If not notify NOTICE: Box NO, Ticeville.
INDIFFERENCE TRAINING We don't care if you come to this class or not because you probably won't relate on our wavelength anyway. If anyone objects we won't study the Speed Forgetting course we bought in the mail. Who cares? Box B, Boxville.
USED ORGAN EXCHANGE and Auction: Turn your unwanted innards into usuable cash. Swap Meat Sat. to raise money to help cure the Tropic of Cancer.
PET FUNERALS BY MAIL: Send your dearly departed and $50 separately to Box B, Bucksville.
JOB OPPORTUNITY: Extension Contractors needed to enlarge small jobs. Must be able to stretch wide narrows and fill long shorts. Complete experience required. Resume where you left off at Box B, Bucksville.
FOR SALE: Used acid trip. Lots of paranoia and flashbacks left in this prefered psychodelicious weight loss diet and engine analyzer. See tiny butterfly wings and bubbles in the asteroid belt. Day Tripper, Box B, Bucksville.
AIR EXCHANGE: Come on Buy and we'll talk about it. No refunds, no complaints and who cares? Box B, Airsdale.
FOUR FAMILY GARBAGE SALE: burnt tires, broken appliances, dog clothes, cat litter, old newspapers, dying house plants, babies' first stains, rusted golf clubs, lawn mower blades, double exposed film, five gallons antique paint, six and a half speed bicycle (needs valve job), x-rays and more. First house after the second light around the third corner of the fourth ward.
LET'S GET SIRIUS: Own one cubic inch of space among the stars. $50 entitles you to a certificate worth nothing on earth. Box B, Bucksville.
STARDUST? Intergalactic Trash Removal guarantees pickup every lightyear. Shoot your address into space and we'll eventually find it with the rest of the garbage you Earthlings throw out here. ITR of the Milky Way.
WANTED: Rubber Duckies. Prefer sharp edges. Sadie and Massa Kissum.
FOR SALE: Popular Mantras, only been used once. Bubba Freon John. Cool Air Unit, Colorado.
WANTED: Information leading to the discovery of Box B, Bucksville.
Box B, Bucksville is alive and throbbing. We hear your earnest plea. Respond and correspond through psychic thought transfer protocols.