The boss of the NORTHWEST ARKANSAS REGIONAL SEAPORT AUTHORITY wants to ask you:
When your ship comes in, where are you going to park it?
The Northwest Arkansas Regional Seaport Hauthority (NoWARSHa) proudly announces, with great fanfare, windbreaking ceremonies to precede official waterbreaking ceremonies for the Regional Seaport. Not to be outdone by local aerial projects of flighty import, "The Seaport will be delayed by nothing," bellow multi-bullionaires Dan Vega and Roger Henry, CEOs and soul members of the Seaport Authority and The Solarge Corporation.

Conceived as a public works project in order to suck off the taxpayer, the NW Arkansas Seaport is now entirely a private venture, unlike other large transportation projects planned for our area. "We're not hiding anything," The Authority brags. "We can build the Seaport anywhere we want because money walks and talks, and everyone has a price."

Funding for the Seaport project is provided solely by the Solarge Corporation, owner and controller of the energy of the sun. When questioned about possible conflict of interest, The Authority agrees to pay royalties to the Solarge Corporation for illuminating the Seaport Project. "Everyone who uses the sun's energy, directly or indirectly, owes the Solarge Corporation."

Acquisition of the Seaport right of way proceeds as planned. The Authority intends to condemn no land or force anyone from their property. Landowners are free to stay as long as they can comfortably accommodate the rising water.

The Authority continues, "Northwest Arkansas residents need the Seaport, they just don't know it yet. This project will create high-paying job titles, enrich the area with new opportunities for yachtsmen and navigators, bring huge petroleum industries and shipyards, and everyone will be able to buy a new Double BMU and a boat. Remember, when your ship comes in you are going to need a place to put it. Get your ship together and we'll give you wide berth."

The Gulf Coast has no right to hog up seaports, and we now have the technology to dig incredible trenches, so why not use it? We will start at Dickson and West Streets and go south to the Gulf. A full-feature seaport offers jobs, a place to dump sewage and garbage, a larger tax base increased by petrochemical industries and military bases, more jobs, new boats, some jobs, fishing docks, beaches, couple of jobs, and boatloads of patrons to the arts can be offloaded across the street from Walm-Art.

Why is there no need to condemn property for the Seaport? The Solarge Corporation can afford to buy all the property necessary at much more than fair market value and build this project with private money. There will be the promise of lots of job and improved tax base for our community. There doesn't need to be a public vote on this project because everyone knows how much they will benefit by the proposed Four-State Improvement District.

So if you have dreams of romantic sailboat adventures, deep port fishing expeditions, watching submarine races, or drag racing a battleship, plan to park your ship at the new and improved Northwest Arkansas Regional Seaport.