Have stress and strain of spiritual bankruptcy got you down? How do you smell relief? "Say know to drugs" - our new pogrom to help you "no thyself" is international in scope - Soviet slogan: "Are we stoned nyet?" 9 out of 10 doctors recommend sending 50 bucks to Quick Fix, Box B, Bucksville.
BENEFIT BENEFIT: Box B, Bucksville, is sponsoring a Benefit to Party the Socially Starved of Fayetteville. None of the money collected will leave the city! We will use it to purchase refreshments and entertainment for a party where we may sit and chat, dance, or play with (like) children. Any money left over will be saved for the next Benefit Benefit. Brought to Fayetteville by the starving artist at Box B, Bucksville.
That Serious is pain is easy to explain.
To consider Us as Sane is really quite Inane.
The only Truth, You see, is of Truth to be free.
Therein it is plain, truly lies Your gain.
So send Your 50 dollar fee and We'll thumb Your knows at Thee.
Box B, Bucksville.
Make the world a little better! If the church of the As-Holy Brethren does not receive 50 million dollars by March 1, Box B, Bucksville, will continue to publish. To ensure its demise, send minimum donations of 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
The Ministry of Truth at Bucksville Intergalactic reminds you to pay close attention to the fact that only other countries have propaganda to bullshit the masses. Our great country doesn't need a Bureau of Propaganda because we have Madison and Pennsylvania Avenues working for the TV networks to bring us the TRUTH! Be proper, stay in line! Remember, what's good for the propagoosa is good for the propaganda.
GLOWNAD INTERPRISES announces hot new line of rad-waste products for immediate disposal. Self-cooking pots and pans (also self-cleaning), Luminescent jewelry, fuel free feet and hand warmers, pet collar neuterers, etc. Get 'em while they're hot from Box B, Bucksville.
Hey guys and gals, if you're gonna rub her, or lay Tex, better get some rubber bang aids. Have 666 different latex devices in 69 different off colors. Specials this month on Silly Cone, Condominimums, and the Gossamer Goose. One fit sizes all! Contact Lay Techs c/o Box F, Bucksville.
RADIATION PROTECTION: New! Lead chain-mail underwear. Cotton or fur-lined. All styles, men's briefs to ladies' lingerie. INVESTORS NEEDED to capitalize on the marketing of nuclear wastes to consumer goods. You'll glow with pride in this radiant new business. Glownad Enterprises, c/o Box B, Bucksville.
2-25 On the horny dilemna of rhinoseritis? Panda your ailegy and get whale. From elephronts to razorbacks, we've got the cur for imaginitis. For a dose of hippoallergenic solution send 50 bucks to Box B, Moansville.
NOTICE: Amateur Survivalists. Are you a woosie with a machine gun just waiting for some end? Are your heros behind bars somewhere for having stood too long at a bar? You need the gutstroke and autograph of Kamikazi Survivalist. He's so dedicated to survival that he'll die to prove it. Contact Hari Cash and Carry, Box B, Bucksville.
PROSELYTIZERS: I was building a Waldork Salad the other day and a great light shone from my kitchen wall. An apparition clarified into none other than Saint Cuisinart who blest my blender. Bread that came out of the oven twenty minutes later had His face in butter on top. Tours and after market products are now available at money savioring prices. Holy Baloney, Box B, Bucksville.
3-11 YUPPISTS: Got money to burn? I have art you can burn! Exotic wood and paper sculptures with strategic kitchen match inserts are the hottest item going this season. The smoke screen is down and I reveal the flamboyant pyro with the artistic torch. I am self-employed, so I can't be fired. Come on buy and we'll fire one up. Basic Vagrant Art Studios next door to Box B, Bucksville.
UNCONSCIOUSNESS CONSCIOUSNESS for the consciously unconscious, or Unawareness Awareness for the Weary Wary. Send (now) 50 (fifty) bucks (dollars) to (for) Box (P.O.) B, Bucksville (the only).
THE CAFE'AT EMPTOR announces the Spiritual Deli, featuring soul tempting treats such as succulent clam dips, seducktive soup, hot beef rolls, etc. Open Sunday morning only, The Cafeat Emptor, where we'll refill your cup for free (and a little bit of soul).
3-25 The Haste Corporation, a subsidiary of Glownad Enterprises, announces hot new line of rad-waste products including ovens, home food irradiators, hot tubs, food and coffee warmers, hot water bags, and the radiant new Thermonuclear Blanket. Support nuclear industry, because waste makes Haste. Watch out for future product developments. For illuminating catalog send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE ARCTIC FARMERS: Because of prolonged light and dark at Earth's polar regions, one cannot raise crops or animals that need the circadian rhythms of the southern latitudes. Face it, you can't raise animals on the poles. In fact, one should never raise any animal on a pole, especially a human animal. This message paid for by Box B, Bucksville, and the ASPCS (Altruistic Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Saviors).
ATTN. FOOLS: thirty-one stupid things to do Wed. April 1. Send $50 to Box B, Bucksville, for a list of the other thirty.
4/8 The Artkansas Resource Recovery Arthority (TARRA) agrees to pick up 30 - 50 tons/day of bottom ash from the proposed NARRA incinerator for $10/ton less than the going rate. The ash from the "state of the art" burner will then be sculpted into the "Art of the State", depicting dying trees and damaged human lungs, which, when sold, will help cover the costs of botanical research and medical expenses. For more info, contact TARRA, c/o Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE: Buck$ Trucks has fleet of heavy trucks will lease to anyone with big ash deposits to redeposit for the going rate of $100/ton. If you know of anyone needing such a service now or in the future, Buck$ Trucks Hauls Ash! Buck$ Trucks is a subsidiary of Box B, Bucksville. Remember, out of sight, out of our minds.
The First Natural Bank of Bucksville announces the first global currency, a medium of exchange that is recognized worldwide as true wealth. Confirm your planetary citizenship by exchanging your worthless federal reserve notes for GeoBucks. Be sure to ask our investment gardeners about long term vegetable, fruit and herb plans for your first purchase with GeoBucks, available in 20, 50 and 100 pound bags at the 1st Natural Bank of Bucksville.
5/6 The Bad ol' factories' scents have given everyone bad olfactory sense. The factories should have the sense to recompence lots of cents to good sense so we can detect scents. Does this make sense? Should industry make senseless messes and expect the scentless to clean it up? The Captains of Industry perfunctorily disclaim all allegations of ill-doing, and threaten to take their business elsewhere. Since they won't take our garbage with them, We The People of Fayetteville must now take responsibility for it. For an ecologically decent proposal on how to treat collective municipal treasure, send 2 or 3 million bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
PROCLAMATION
Whereas, The oil and chemical companies own most of the
farm land and food in America; and, Whereas the World problem is not just
too many people using petro products but too few people hogging up what
food is produced; and, Whereas, The World's population needs to reach 6
billion for the Morphogenetic Field Effect to enlighten all planetary
citizens; and, Whereas, Lots of planetary citizens are starving because
food is being used as a strategic weapon; and, Whereas, It looks like the
whole turkey shoot is about to be called off because nobody can figure out
which side the turkeys are on; Now, Therefore, I, RH, Gubernator of Box B,
Bucksville, do hereby proclaim the next 10 years as WORLD HOME GARDENING
DECADE because we don't want to starve.
6/3 The Bucksville Recourse Authority for Trash (BRAT) suggests that Bucksville have a separation before conditional burn ordinance and a tax on your ash. It will cost us less to provide all citizens with 55 gallon incinerators, educate ourselves to separate all refuse, establish markets and shipping for recyclable materials, and only have to smell burning garbage 104 days a year instead of 364 plus Christmas and Leap Year. For more info recycle some used gold and diamonds to Box B, Bucksville.
FOR SALE: 39,641 55 Gallon Mass Burn Incinerators. These well engineered units will provide a maximum of garbage rearrangement. Just load and ignite! Special price to local cities with garbage problems, only 21 million bucks while supply lasts. SAVE SAVE SAVE at the Trash Box B, Bucksville. Ash bags and disposal not included.
FOR SALE: New Foreign Policy of indirect engagement. The USS Stark roving Med. waters is the action of the stark raving mad. Why must pirates in new ironside gunboats make decisions for us? Don't just stare sternly, start straightaway to strut your stuff! Startle our staff with how your steroids strain to strew nonviolent strength to the world. For more info on indirect engagement, direct 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
7/1 NOTICE: Are you burned up about your municipal insenserator? Ever wonder what you might have to do with a few million pounds of unwanted ash and ash producer? We now hold the technology that allows us to build an incinerator incinerator! For more information on how we may recycle and dispose of unsightly insinerators, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE: A Bucksville InterGalactic Bureau Management (BIG BM) team has advised the Bucksville Highway Bureau to purchase municipal garbage for injection into large caves where proposed interstate quality road construction is held up for lack of solid sub soil. Once the caves are filled up and a layer of concrete poured across the top, then we can complete the Razorback Expressway and stop needless deaths on the dangerous local scenic route to the games. If you are an individual, municipality or major corporation, please CONSUME MORE packaged goods in order to increase the highway promoting garbage supply. For imformation on where to take your dump, contact Bureau Management, Box B, Bucksville.
DIVINE EXCURSION TOURS OF HEAVEN will take you in opulent comfort to see those sitting on God's right hand. Meet Jim and Tammy's next lawyer. Buy mother of pearl shoes with Emelda Marcos. Help take some Sonshine to Oral (he's expecting reign). Free tracts & sermons. Raffle tickets to win a key to the pearly gate can be had from Judas's Used Chariots, next door to the infinite Box B, Bucksville.
8/5 Sane Appreciators of the Golden Egg (SAGE) sadly present the Screwed Goose Award to the developer responsible for the greatest single environmental destruction in the history of Bucksville because he just defies his action in the name of civic altruism. An additional honor will be the renaming of Mud to Con Creek. Whose to lend, say destroy? Send the price of progress to Box B, Bucksville.
KICK YOUR OWN How many times have you gotten in line to have your butt kicked by some bad ass who didn't know to quit when you'd had enough? Your problem is not that you don't need it kicked, but that you aren't trained to do it yourself. If you will get in line here we can teach you in know time to kick your own at Box B, Buttsville.
MOST PEOPLE WORRY about money. A few people with money learn how not to worry about it. The fewest can learn without money how not to worry about it. If you are worried that you can't learn to not worry about money, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville, for a valuable lesson.
9/16 The Bucksville Development Corpse announces plans to replace the Industrial Finance Building (built in 1929) with its current structure Last North Middel. In this Bond age, whip inflation by chaining your interest to more empty offices. To beat it, send bucks (no checks or bank drafts) to Box B, Bucksville.
The Solarge Corporation, a subsidiary of Box B, Bucksville, is pleased to announce the formation of its new utility, the Everywhere Regional Atmospheric NonCooperative, to serve the growing public need for breathable air. Because indoor pollution, garbage incineration, acidic fog and organo-chemical mists are part of the "good life," we support your unalienable right to breathe freely. So, for a price, fresh non-toxic air will be piped to your home. Available in scents and nonscents. Remember, at Solarge, it's "Better Living Through Chemystery."
The Bucksville Careful Handling Of Knowledgeable Environmentalists & Growth Association for Golf (CHOKE & GAG) has smudged an agreement this week with Beapody Coal to strip mine suburban areas in and around Beaver Lake and then convert the sites to golf courses and condominiums. Beapody insists that there will be no visible environmental damage to the residents of NW Arkansas, and that several jobs could be created in the next 20 years. With this recommendation, we are proud to announce the first bid for the project, presented to Beapody by our agent Orange for the Buckston Building Corpse at Box B, Bucksville.
10/14 Does deregulation regularly make you irregular? What else besides airlines won't fly, or will by night? Not to worry, Chemosavvy, rad waste be chaste by syntax. Re-lax knowing that the Bureaucracy at tax its problems at our resources. Yours to Mine makes in dust trees and us less free. Support irregularities in send tax of 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
HOMEMAKERS NOTICE: Need new ideas for evening dinner and entertainment? There is now a Home Microwave Dinner Theater Kit that makes the most of hologravy and aerosol foods. Available only from Cull 'N Airy, Chefs Subordinaire. Write for menus, Galley B, Bucksville.
The Bucksville Bureau of Bureaus has received a grant to study various governmental agencies in order to determine who pays the salaries of government employees. Research that covers the cost of this notice presently studies the societal pressure to ride government gravy trains, and why millions of otherwise normal citizens continue to send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
10/28 JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! are coming to Bucksville! Megabuck investor in secret industry will be setting up shop to manufacture "Whonoze Watts." We can't tell you how much pollution we'll produce, or watts and water we'll waste, but it certainly will justify a couple hundred low paying JOBS! which is why we are moving here, and your wonderful community supports the bond age! Thanks! For no more info, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
Are you suffering from Humorvoids? Is there too much brevity in your levity, guile in your smile? Gaff in your laugh, cha in your grin? Get Preparation HA for serious relief. Make up ointment with us soon, we know where to rub it in. In "RazorGame Pack" and 55 gallon containers, available from Drum B, Bucksville.
BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR! You write it, I'll publish it. Send your wo/manuscript and 50 bucks a page to the Intergalactically Famous and Rich Writers Guild. Need editing services? We offer that too for an extra 100 bucks a page. Printing, distribution and advertising services are extra, but worth it. For worth info, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
11/11 FOR SALE: Organic stone. Certified by the Ozark Organic Stoners Association. Can't deliver, the wagon wheel fell off. Pick up at the corner of rock 'n stone, or call LithoBox B, Bucksville.
NEED CREDIT? If you've exhausted your line, we have a new line for you. If everything but your ass is mortgaged or in hock, MercyBuck Hospital Bank and Trust offers Body Equity Loans. Borrow against the value of your vitals! We know you won't miss a payment because we only send the collection agent once. Call for MercyBuck Organ Mortgage rates at Box B, Bucksville.
INDOOR DEER LEASES now available for the hunter who wishes to trade buck$ for bucks. We line the trophies up against the wall while you load your cannon and write your checks. You'll sack the big rack next door to the lounge! Convenient lodging and alibis for this season's successful hunt. Remember, the bucks stop at Box B, Bucksville.
11/25 Do you believe your Beliefs to be in danger of collision? Then you need faith in Belief Insurance. Our conprehensive policy protects you from collusion, lie ability, indamnity, comprehension, and bodily knowledge injury. Reduced premiums available for wind bag protection. For your ideas life term, beleave fifty bucks to the Blessed Assurance Division (BAD) Box B, Bucksville.
Now you can be an expert! Support your favorite premises with our custom computer modeling programs. Be as scientifically accurate as anyone. Dazzle the ignorant and befuddle the skeptic with programs designed, by God. Also check our full line of voting machine softBware. Contact We Proof Your Goof at ZerO-K Mega Box B, Bucksville.
The Bucksville Bureau of Bureaus has hammered into law huge tax hikes that will generate several more Billion$ that we will share with military and industry. We protect your borders from other capitalists that would come here and threaten our biz. We are not sorry about cuts to education, the less is spent on the kids the less likely they are to discover important waste of their tax money. Be glad that you live in the land of the free, dumb to waste. If you refuse the taxes, the FIB (Federal Income Bureau), the CIA (Cash Income Agency), or the most fearsome IRS (Infinite Revenue Source) will find you hanging out at Box B, Bucksville.
12/9 GREAT AMERICAN HERO
Box B, Bucksville acknowledges William Sumner who said, "If the fittest
are to be allowed to survive, if the benefits of efficient management are
to be available to society, the captains of industry must be paid for
their unique organizing talent. Their huge fortunes are the legitimate
wages of superintendence; in the struggle for existence, money is the
token of success." Hooray!
SAVIORS NOTICE: Are those followings of millions of sinners being a drag across the pearly portal? You don't want the masses to be heavy, so organize! The Union of Enlightened Universal AcoLites is now operating in your part of the universe and are ready to pretend to follow. AcoLites are independent and experienced, not reincarnates, will work hard to keep the work light, but probably won't buy everything you say. Don't hesitate to contact your local union rep and ask about the many outstanding skills that a couple hundred thousand years of planet management can develop. Write for AcoLites from the Cosmodelic Box B, Bucksville.
NEED CREDIT for your Merry Christmas debt? We offer Seasons Greetings payable by December 23, 1988. Buy all you like, you have unlimited Happy Holiday Credit at only 35% interest. For more information, contact The First Natural Bank of Bucksville.