THE SOLARGE CORPORATION, a subsidiary of Box B, Bucksville, proudly announces its recent purchase of the sun for the price of 50 billion dollars (payable to itself). All subsequent use of the sun's energy, directly or indirectly, is illegal unless proper payment is made. We'll send your bills if you don't send your Bills to Box B, Bucksville.
Welcome buck $tudent$!
Please pardon our crudence,
But do leave your dough
In town when you go
Away with your thrifty extrudence.
Box B, Bucksville
THE GUNS OF SOD want you to know that whoever controls the food controls the people. The Revolution Revelation is to make swords into plowshares and grow our own food. - The AgriShip, Box B, Bucksville.
DRINK THE BEER that beach would age. Brewed from what you could find on the beach. Make your taste buds wiser. Get on our case, send 50 bucks for Bocks B, Beer.
THE OIL, CHEMICAL AND ATOMIC Mutants encourages motorists to drive more. Take advantage of lower fuel prices as the petro industry subsidizes fuel costs to dump large amounts of toxic wastes into the air where people think they can't see it. Remember, out of sight, out of our minds. OC&AM, Bucksville, USA.
"OH LOWERED, won't you buy me a highered." Feel terror rising? Hit on the "Miss Mister" to resolve your conflicts and love affairs with a wave of arms. No references. Write to Soldier of Misfortune, Box B, Bucksville.
VALENTINE TRANSPLANTS: Are you not pumping enough action out of your "heart"? Afraid of getting a Valentine's Cardiac? Do you have critical need for "intensive care"? MercyBuck Hospital is setting up an emergency "Hot Line" to assist in emotional wrecks during this year's Valentine debauch. Don't just get even, get right with your own heart. Love yourself. For more info and support, call this toll fee number: 1/somehundred/MERCYBUCK. Not paid for by Box B, Bucksville.
PERSONAL: Dear Candy, I'm sorry I'm late telling you how much I care. I love you as much as I can afford to, and your Valentine's in the mail. Your Sweet "Daddy" at the Box B, Bucksville, console.
A. Roses are red, violets are blue. This ad in the Grapevine is all I got for you. T.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
YOGA is praying with yourself.
BUCKSVILLE POWER AND LIGHT announces plans to build a steam generation plant t be fueled by obsolete Federal Reserve Notes. With Rainbow Bucks to spend, we stay light with the power of our bills. Steam you up? Blow it out your Bucks at Box B, Bucksville.
ATTENTION Creation Scientists and Evolutionists: Recent studies in Man well dextrosity at the Pecan Divinity School reveal that the world has not been created but exists only in the thought formative stage of the Cosmic Conciousness. Now is the time to express your view of forthcoming reality. To contact the Hotline to God, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
THE BUCKSVILLE UNIVERSITY Finance Department notes that an outbreak of owing is epidemic on campus. You are required to immunize yourself against debt by taking a measly 50 dollar shot to the Bank arm of Bucksville. If you are not sure, come get in line for your measly shot anyway. The Surgeon Average at MercyBuck Hospital.
LEARN HOW to reed: Some people can read reeden', but they can't read righton. For worse information, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
ATTENTION FOOLS: 15 Stupid things to do for April Fools. for a list of the other 14, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
Tired of insurance that doesn't pay? Protect yourself from loss with Blessed Assurance Insurance Insurance. Our premium policies protect you from the fine print. We assure you, to be sure, you must reinsure for reassurance. Contact the Blessed Agents at Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE EVERYONE: A team of experts from somewhere else is visiting Northwest Arkansas to answer questions about how we can do everything better. They will give advice on any subject, and at the price they charge, we better listen. The first seminar on Smartificial Intelligence is sometime this week, and we will learn how to fill the holes that the City Bored by Consulting Firms. To register, send 50 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
THE SOVEREIGN NATION of Bucksville wants you to know that the Communistas are attempting to dominote affection on our Feministas. We must stand firm in the defense of bureaucracy and free Holies. Send 50 million bucks to the Pros and Contras of Box B, Bucksville, or loss to him is fear.
The Surgeon Average at MercyBuck Hospital has determined that Box B suffers from Copia Verborum and Furor Scribendi. He prescribed, "In Vino Veritas". Obstupui steteruntque com at Box B, Bucksville.
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHARE IF. Write yourself a ticket for any parking violation you feel guilty of. All you need is the right form, right? Then pay your fine by mail. Forms and addresses we will share if we get your 50 bucks at Box B, Bucksville.
SOME BUSINESSES will sell absolutely anything. However, when you think about it, there's one company that will sell absolutely nothing. In fact, you can't get anything from Box B, Bucksville, unless you really think about it, so think about it. What do you get for your fifty bucks to Box B, Bucksville?
HELP SUPPORT the funding of non-strategic spur of Interstate from Fay. to I-40. If you buy a mile, we'll give you an inch with your name engraved in concrete. We don't know where else the money is coming from, so please buy, and save a job or two. Remember, "Give them an inch and they'll buy a mile". For more info, write BOT (Bureau of Transportation), Box B, Bucksville.
WORTHless FINANCIAL advice: For example, send 5,000 bucks to Box B, Bucksville.
PLEASE STEAL THIS COPYRIGHT! Have thousands great ideas for impossible and ridiculous goods and services already written into silly want-ad form. Any crafty entrepreneur could make millions on the coasts. Sell it as Box B, Bucksville.
THE BUREAUCRATS at Box B, Bucksville, want you to know that the radiation received will give that healthy glow. Cancer caused is cancer cured, mutations and defects, our future assured. Insure your dose for the ones you love most with fifty bucks to Churn No Bull, Box B, Bucksville.
GET GUILT FREE. We have excess guilt for distribution to the needy. In addition, for fifty bucks you can get more guilt as we get gilt at Box B, Bucksville.
Get behind ARMS ACROSS AMERICA to end weapons hunger. From coast to coast, 260 million people stand cheek to cheek in the full moon crying "For everyone a killer-ton". Send 50 bucks to the Peace through Annihilation Committee at Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE: This election year the Bucksville Demoblican Party announces its motto, "We aren't going anywhere". In reply, the Bucksville Republicats offer, "Join us at the pub for a political party and be cool". Topics of disgustion at this years monopartisan rally are "the thrill of driving a chicken truck 85 miles per hour in the left lane", "the real price of influencing Congressmen and why we leave them in office for 20 years", "the dangers of the two party political system in underdeveloped countries where we can't buy control", and "the necessity of plastic explosives in social improvements in the third world". RSVP (we never Refuse to Swill Vodka at our Parties).
The Center for Diseasetribution announces mail order Scratch and Sniff Diseases for those who can't afford Designer Germs. If you are worried that you have nothing to worry about, write and request the Epidemic Pathology Sampler from MercyBuck Hospital, c/o Box B, Bucksville.
Gardeners for the Fall, are you bothered by Perpestuals, bugs that won't go away? Then you need Morquestual Biocide Spray and Powders. Morquestual is a chemical by-product that kills everything it touches for over 600 years! You'll never be bothered again. Brought to you by Buy Bye-Bye By-Products, an industrial chemical conglomerate and Box B, Bucksville.
BUCKSTON UNIVERSITY offers degree programs not available anywhere, at a price. Intimalogy, a course you can get close to. Plant sympathology, you'll appreciate the vegetable instructors. Antietymology, find out why we name certain things ass-backwards (i.e. defense for offense, life insurance for death insurance, etc.). For more info, right Box B, Bucksville.
FOR HIRE: Professional politician. Has interest in big money and what it stands for. Can recite hours of useless rhetoric intended to discredit the discreditable, and show honest disrepute for the disreputable. If your cause is to party while Rome burns, my party will provide the fiddler! Contact The Demoblican Republicat Party at Box B, Bucksville.
WILL TRADE ARMS for eyes and ears. If you are being held hostage by what you see and hear in the mass media, then I'll make enough secret deals to liberate you, and all it will cost is 50 bucks and a hug. Contact (secretly) the Secretary of Offense at Box B, Bucksville.
ONCE WATER was wontonly wasted. Wary watchers wax weary, waiting while wastrels wave wads. Wily ones wanting wampum wail wishy washy warnings worth wonder. What, we worry? Wellsprings wait while worms whorl! Whistle while we wort! Vox we, Bwuckswille.
FOR SALE: Human Rights. Do you feel too far left of those "conservatives" that would alter the U.S. Constitution? Feel like the rights our forefathers died for are being replaced with the Reagan Rights? Buy back your freedom with Bubba Hairy Boss Hog's Freedom Pills!! Take your trip before you lose the farm.
Haunted by the ghost of Christmust passed, presents and futures? Do your palms itch without the scratch of Santa Claws? Don't be prey to Saint Nickleloss. We give you credit for less bucks! To fullfill your Christmess stocking up, send 50 bucks to our credit c/o Jolly Old St. Buckolas, Box B, Bucksville.
There is much ado about what to do with the do-do. With gravities specific and metals heavy, the City Board promises not to poop out. An effluent society breeds litigation. Dr. Rooter was right when he said, "And away goes trouble down the drain", because our sewage is returning as sue-age in the new-age. Our Royal Flush is not OK to S.T.I.R. What are we going to do with the do? For more info, contact CRAP (Citizens Resistance Against Pollution) c/o Box B, Bucksville.