WORTHLESS financial advice. For example, send $1000.00 to Box B, Bucksville.
HOW TO SEND MONEY, write checks, give loans and buy stock in Box B, Bucksville.
THEN (The Humanistic Equality Notion) supports EON (Equal Opportunity Nonsense).
HOW TO GET poor by mail order. Send $40,000 to Box B, Bucksville.
WANTED: Unemployed Ph.D.'s to write filthy lucrative grants for the starving children of Box B, Bucksville.
HUNDREDS weakly stuff envelopes. If you are losing your strength, health and fortune, SASE (Sitting And Stuffing Exercises) will restore you. For SASE send SASE and $50 to Box B, Bucksville.
Box B, Bucksville, announces nothing new and if the writing department doesn't come up with some new stuff, they're all fired. The Box Boss.
FOR SALE: The Box Boss' new Mercedes and his dog. If he doesn't think that's funny he can send his complaints to Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE: Ride the coattails to fame. be a Box B fan and supporter. You'll never not regret it. Send $5 to Box B, Bucksville, for inadequate information.
HEY! This is last weeks ad. What's it doing in this weeks paper? The super efficient staff of Box B, Bucksville.
LONG TERM investment opportunity! Send $500/month for 10 years to Box B, Bucksville.
FOR SALE: Box B, Bucksville. Includes pen, paper, computer, printer and resident writer. $10,000 takes it all. This may be the worst investment you'll ever make, until it's worth million$
FOR SALE: Ozark Weather Rock. $15, guaranteed to work outdoors. If the Weather Rock is dry, it's not raining, etc. Box B, Bucksville.
GRAND OPENING: We are opening our bank account to grand donations of over $1000. Obtain grand deposit slips from Box B, Bucksville.
CAR PROBLEMS? Detroit psychic lays on wrenches. Car-Ismatic Healing and Auto-Matic Billing insures that you'll pay as you go. Send a photo of your ride to Box B, Bucksville, for better milage.
ATTN. FOOLS: 15 stupid thing to do April 1. Send $10 to Box B, Bucksville, for a list of the other 14.
TATTOOS BY MAIL. Takes a while to get the whole thing but we know you'll like the results. Send $20 for introductory needle. Box B, Bucksville.
The Underwear Police are looking for a few good jocks.
Installment Plans for sale. Cash only need apply. Big Deal Neal at Box B, Bucksville.
TURN GOLD INTO LEAD: We'll return, postpaid, three pounds of lead for every pound of gold received here at Box B, Bucksville.
BANK BY WANTAD. Secret Code tells you where to leave your deposit in plain brown wrapper to be picked up by our trained mobile tellers. Drop-Off List, Box B, Bucksville.
FILL TRASH wanted: No clean dirt. Deliver to the GARDEN at Box B, Bucksville.
HELP WANTED: Every offer taken. Come ready to work it out. Share my experience and let's get gestalted. Holy Baloney, Box X, Crowsville.
LOTS FOR SALE: This immaculate pile of trash was not a lot when we first overpriced it and now there really is a lot of trash for sale and still overpriced. Bring money to Box B, Bucksville.
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY: Mail order kisses and hugs. Hold yourself and a friend to this amazing offer and prosper. Love, Box B, Bucksville.
NOTICE: ARF (American Rifle Fraternity) will meet at the firing range to bark in the wind and shoot the breeze. Just show up.
STUFF Beef hides at home in your spare-rib time. Kit includes tanner, tweasers and bar-b-q pit. Up wind at Box B, Bucksville.
MUSICIANS needed for chamber-pot orchestra. Must be familiar with wind instruments. Contact (if you dare) Joe Blow, Box B, Blowsville.
UNDER THE GRAPEVINE... Yes it's true, DC moved to the country this week and haven't we been seeing RD and JC together a lot?...Anyone heard from Shorty lately? We should be seeing him shortly...The Nanny's not going to Carolina...Ron rode new skin in OK last week-Wow!...Remember Elton John- "let us live in Geese"...till next week, tell someone you think doesn't know what's really going on in Faypatch.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This is a test to see if you will stop to read unimportant wantads. Since you did, read the next ad.
HI THERE. Big Deal Neal here to sell you the used new car you thought you always wanted. This baby is already parked in YOUR yard so come on down to Big Deal Neal's and pick up the handy glovebox payment book and this half a sixpack I can't finish here next to Box B, Bucksville.
DIG YOUR WAY TO ENLIGHTENMENT after you're rich from mail order. There's a guru at every desk and the prophets are walking in to those at Box B, Bucksville.
DIG YOUR WAY TO THE TOP with unproven method. Your large downpayment will let us throw one heckuva party you would DIG if you were smart enough to get here. The profits are rolling in for those at Box B, Bucksville.
WANTED: Used lake. Must be in repairable condition and within walking distance of downtown. Minimum of 45 acres and less than 1 part per million pop tops and cigarette butts. Write Surf City, Box Hang-Ten, Oceanbottom Building, Fadeville.
LET IT BE temporarily known that our own Wilby Izwuz will be, is and was the one and only Wilby Izwuz. For worse information, send ten dollars to Box B, Bucksville.
THE RESIDENT Psychiatrist at Box B, Bucksville, suggests that counseling may cause cancer and that cancer cures depend on psychiatric counseling. The Surgeon Average at MercyBuck Hospital warns that the Coventry Diet of eating old Jaguar seats may not provide enough baby formula to maintain life.
WILL PAY MONEY I don't have yet for used Rolls Royce cars, Bertram Yachts, and credit down at the grocery cause I'm starving to death trying to eat these awful credit cards. Please send information on how to get rich quick in mail order to Box B, Bucksville.
NOW HIRING: Retired envelop stuffers to work in olive factory, bra manufactoring, taxidermy and Santa's workshop. If you feel qualified, stuff a resume in Box B, Bucksville.
ATTN. BOX FANS: We're lost in space and Big Brother wants YOU to think we're just missing persons. So beam us back, Scottie. Major Tom from the Moon and Mars.
ATTENTION BOX B READERS. These Box B, Bucksville, ads seem to be loved by all. They usually say little or nothing, but put a smile on your face none-the-less. They have much redeeming value in that it allows us to believe in something. We're not always sure of what it is, but we know it's there. In your case (to Glory's person), you know exactly what you can believe in. Always.